{KODOKU}

Monday, March 31, 2008

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Random entry
Note to self: GROW TALLER!!!!! >_<

6:19 AM;

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Sigh someone just told me that the prev post too ******
So I shall blog about something...happy?
Demo...ntg fun or happy has happened
By the way,I'm kinda looking forward to collecting the class jersey for e1!
Wonder how it'll turn out
Probably collecting them on wednesday before sports day
Hopefully there's no remedial!
I want a long term break
Breaking down soon
Like fragments of a broken glass

Placed my hope and faith to the wrong person
Now there's no turning back
The clock keeps ticking
Time waits for no man

Kyrie eleison
Christe eleison

Qui tollis peccata mundi
Suscipe deprecationem nostram
Qui sedes ad dextram Patris,miserere nobis

Forgive all my wrong doings

5:37 AM;

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Expressiveness and frankness
I know that's what I'm lacking
Bothersome

So many troubles so many things to settle
I know you're directly shooting on me
Hello!
You annoy me,so I gave you those that you would call 'attitude'
For a friendship to end is always painful
BUT
What makes you think that I don't treasure it?
I do
But you're the one who make me change my mind
By keep crossing over the boundaries
That i set
And being so pushy and selfish
Ask so much
Where's my freedom?!
I do things I want
And say or tell those I want to tell
You don't seem to understand what I've said so far
What makes you think that I'll die or something when the friendship is over?
Don't overestimate yourself

Do you know what you've did wrong?
You said you'll do something about it or change
But from what I can see
You're just repeating the same thing
It irks me so much
TEME what do you think you are?
You're the one pressurizing me you know that?!

What I did previously was a mistake
Giving ppl the wrong impression and such
That's I stating clear my line
Of where you and I should stand
Can you understand? Nah I doubt so

Gosh I;m talking crap again
Complain,complain,complain
This line sounds so familiar
...
Putting these aside
I just wanna say
I WANNA LEARN VIOLIN!!!!!!
I think I'm in love with it too!!!!
The sound!
It soothes my heart,soul and mind
Note to self: It's uber suitable for hot-tempered people like MOI truly

1:50 AM;

Friday, March 28, 2008

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Excessive stress can kill
Its affecting my day
Even scolding the class
Though they are at fault too
But I'm like channeling all my anger on them
=.=
Gomenasai
As bad as till they dun dare to disturb me for the whole day
Nor dare to talk to me

Haiz...
Too many things bothering me
Too many things needs immediate attention
Its killing me
Why can't the condition internally get better?
Hello! Its been more than a YEAR already!
Get moving pls I beg of you,DAD!
Your burden is my burden too
You both told me not to think about it
But how do you expect me not to?
Its something that I have to settle too!
So it'll affect me too automatically
So PLS PLS SETTLE IT ASAP

Don't make my life miserable
You don't sound like you mean what you said to me
The whole thing seems empty
A lie,delusion perhaps?

6:27 AM;

Friday, March 21, 2008

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Today enrolment GOH was better than the officers expected
YAYNESS!
Thank God my knee lasted the entire day
Though now aching =.=
Expected

Promotion and Dedication today too
And not everyone is happy about it
Cos some say they have doubts with their capability
Or due to the conflicts which cause someone not to be promoted,I heard
Anyway my vote ZHONG!
Chang Yen become the CSM
Li Ying ACSM
Congrats to both!
Our batch this year,many want to be a PC
Including moi
And I got it!
PC for Platoon 2!Banzai!
PC for Platoon 1 is Mabel aka Marble
Pc for Platon 3 is Joyce
Three of us got what we wanted and we stay in our own Platoon
Logistic is Cleo
Admin is Xp
Programmers are Veronica and Charmaine
Congrats to all NCOs
I was quite surprised that Daryl become the ASM instead of CSM
But Trevor got it
Though expected the 2 of them to get the top 2 post
So dao lo the both of them T_T
Sheryl and Jacelyn,don't be sad cos u get none ok?Cheer up
Veron Cleo and Xp,u guys shud be glad that you're all in the NCO council can?There are ppl who couldn't get anything leh
Though I'm not one to talk
Blame for saying that I wanted PC during the interview
Oh well what's done is done
CHEER UP PPL

Labels: One man can never satisfy all men

3:14 AM;

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

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Today was quite fun
Though I've been lacking of sleep,resulting in me not concentrating much during lessons
But it's not as bad
Enrolment soon!
So fast PASSING DOWN le...
Doubt I'll get any post
And I dun want them as well? ahaha

Anyway today we went to church do do something for Jaslyn 'cos she's steppind down already?
And she's nice!
I miss going home with her!
OK sidetracked abit
Yep we did some art stuff
And quite shocked?
Cos can see Lopez (the friendlier side outside parade)
Lol then sketch my backview without my permission
And also added rank to Chang Yen
She was so happy to be a momentary Staff Sergeant
LOLS! That was quite unexpected for me

Sigh but then another thing
I dunno what I'm feeling lately
Hope everything is fine for you?
Dun wanna get worried anymore
Like heck I'm gonna care about you anymore!

Training tommorow...
And my knee joint is aching again
Very scared something happened
Cy and Qy say I might have overstrained them due to trainings without decent rests
But I'll get them after enrolment right?
Pls say yes
Or else I might not be able to walk anymore

6:42 AM;

Monday, March 17, 2008

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ONE THING ABOUT THIS BLOG!
KEEP THESE THINGS HERE! AND ONLY HERE!
And about the blogskin
ITS GROSS
Anyone who can help moi change????

5:12 AM;

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Going into a state of depression soon I guess
I may be still smiling on the outside
But inside,I'm crying out for something

Cold,selfish,uncaring,heartless,too serious,too prideful in everything I do
That's the thing I hate the most of myself
Such ugly and revolting characters

Kyo wa ne,I sorta 'surveyed' 3 ppl
The question was: Which one do you think is more selfish?(1)to keep your own problem,worries,troubles to yourself without telling anyone & get stressed up,end up worrying ppl (which is unexpected)or (2)share everything out and might ended up troubling them with MY OWN problems and stuff,just to make myself better?
Shall not say the names of those,shall i??

Ans 1.(3) self created way,tell half,keep half.Like simple problems can say. Complicated stuff don't say,but can tell also but must solve faster then him (3)= (1)+(2)... It's quite impossible I think...Haha

Ans 2.(2).It is unfair to the other party,esp when it doesn't concern them at all.It may had been better for you (*moi),but not for them obviously.Sharing and chatting are fine but don't expect solutions or ask what to do.It just adds on their burden and gave them more stress.Personally,I believe in this as well.That's why I REFUSED to tell you both.But it seems that noone understand besides these 3 person who I asked?But kinda expected since these 3 are probably the closest to me(though the 1st one doesn't really make sense but I get it somehow)...I'm a tough nut to crack,you see...I don't ever want to burden others of my own stuff.It's mine to begin with.But this end up straining friendships.Darn it

Anyway,ans 3.None since both are selfish.For (1),your friends would be worried if you don't tell them anything (which is so very true)& you (*moi here) would blow up one day because too stressed.Then you blowing up might hurt other (which is definitely so).For (2),it's good to share but you shouldn't expect solutions from them (which is not what I hoped as well) & ask about their problems too.That way they won't feel as though that only you always pouring out to them & only them comforting you.This one make sense the most.Yeah both are selfish,I just realised that after I got this feedback today.

So selfish of me,only thinking about myself all the time
Not about others
Xp also reminded me that during the kukup trip,even though he tried talking to me already,she emphasised that "I'm very cold"...
I guess I'm just staking too much pride on myself
Which is wrong
Too cold and uncaring at times
Mean and heartless at times
I know that but I still doesn't change
I feel so hypocrytic (sp??)
Xp also said there area actually ppl who are concerned and worried about me
And seems that I'm in a state of denial? And maybe taking them for granted
Too dependent on others' kindness?
Mo wakaranai

My mind is wrecked
I just want to say thanks for those who were concerned and showing them
Though I sorta throw them away?Just like that?
Dumb moi
And I'm grateful for those ppl?And wanna apologise for everything
I'm making everyone looked bad and I'm the good one
When it's the opposite?Hah...
So sorry

Life is so complicated
Our ratio is too high to be comprehended
I dun want,because of this problem that lies with me to affect friendships and stuff
I think I'm really REALLY NOT good with people
Especially when they are being too nice to me
It's so weird and unusual?
For me that is

Long and naggy post eh?

4:34 AM;

Sunday, March 16, 2008

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This holiday doesn't feel like one
Busy with so many stuff that I don't even have time for myself
Couldn't even relax myself since too many things are in my mind
And lately,been quarreling with quite a number of people
And they make it sounds like everything is my fault
Well,it takes 2 hands to clap
Don't just blame it all on me
And I'm not asking you to worry about me
And it's totally my freedom whether I want to tell you stuff or not
If you don't wanna care anymore,fine with me
But don't get angry 'cos you're the one who wanted so
SO STOP BLAMING ME LIKE EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT
EVERYONE!
I thought some people were different from the rest
But I was wrong
You're all the same type of ppl
Those annoying kind
And not understanding enough
Mayber it's just me

DAKARA! I'm waiting for that someone who can understand me completely
Bear with me all the way to come
I hope that my ooji-sama will come soon ><
'cos I'm sick and tired of all these and pesterings already

5:52 AM;

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Feeling quite edgy lately
Too stressed I guess...
Sigh... SO troublesome and burdening

People says I take things too seriously
Too childish,nice to bully
Heartless
Its like everyone has something against moi

At indo,got bullied
In sgp,the same thing happens
In school,air rifle,girls' brigade,church (which is the most bearable one)
No matter where I go,I'll get picked on,bullied
Yeah I may shrug it off,laugh it off
But you know what?
I have a heart that can feel hurt etc

People say I have a baby face,looked childish and immature
Need to lose some weight etc
Short (which I myself didn't like)
Fierce
Curtain hair
Other not very nice to hear stuff
Whatever you may say
Yeah it's true
You guys are damn right
So what about it?
You got a problem with that then say it straight in my face and not at my back
What are you guys? Sisi? Cowards?

I don't get offended with your comments since they are true
But what the heck? Tell other people like the juniors for what?!
Let them see and determine themselves!
Freaking nice of you guys
It's not like I'm accountable to them
You're like tarnishing my name?
If they want to say that I am one,so be it after they've seen it themselves
I don't need you to gossip about my character
So what if I'm fierce?Short?Weird hairstyle if you want to say it?
Fine I'll take it since I took some of the comments nicely already
It's all about the approach and tone
And yours ended up insulting and provoking others
Unsensitive
Blockheads
Airheads

5:35 AM;

Monday, March 10, 2008

title:{Bagde Camp}

Badge camp is officially over today!
Super duper tiring
And I think I overexert my knee joints till I can barely walk
Or should say limping half of the time
Super pain!
And yet we still have to stand still while waiting for the officers to FINISH DISCUSSING their plans =.= THX

1st day-I can't really remember anything much besides doing the first aid badgework which is intriguing I think?
Copied over 6 pages of notes
I can do a bit of first aid now!!!YATTA!
During the breaks,as usual Chang Yen started the scandal rumour -.-
And we finally get to see who San Mao is! (Samuel)
Demo demo!We can't bully her,'cos later BB officer scold us :p
MWAHAHAHAHA revenge for giving me a new surname
Then we have to sleep on air mattress due to cold weather and we cannot sleep on the floor!We have one mattress for ourselves each!But not for long
That was the 1st time I've ever slept on air mattress...
Agak norak,maklum lah

2nd day
We woke up at 6.30,fall in at 7.30
Quite slack so far
In the afternoon we went to Red Cross Home for the Disabled
It was an eye opener
There were many ppl who aren't as fortunate as us
Born perfectly alright
We should be grateful for our fit and perfect body
And not disabled till you can't understand speech,or even move
But can only moan groan cry or smile
It's quite saddening
I had to feed them for the Service Learning badgework
Had some difficulty 'cos I'm not that wen rou (gentle)
But!Josephine said I was so gentle and serious while feeding them
So surprised!
Then Veron,Li Ying,Chang Yen,Ruth,Rachel,Josephine and moi went to clean the backyard and main entrance since the games cannot be executed due to their inability
Didn't manage to really converse to some who can still talk
'cos'I'm quite anti-social
At 1 plus,we went back to Unity Sec
Then DRILL STAGE 2!!!
It's been a while! So fun!!!
But my knee cannot make it
Was sort of limping half way
Then came GOH enrolment training
'cos we only have about 2 more weeks = to 2 more trainings
But we haven't finalise the moves yet
So it was rush and...Killing for my knee joints
Surprisingly this camp provide good food
After that we have a bit more of drills and then COMMENCE TO CPR!
Quite fun though only have theory lesson
This night we had to share our air mattreeses
I dun mind giving in really
But LTC IS FOR WAD?!!
Its supposed to be the most torturous camp!
Then they can sleep on air mattress,no pumping or hundreds of jumping jacks etc
Then when we voice out only,officers say we complaining
We were only giving feedbacks
As we find it somehow unfair
Its about we DUN WAN TO GIVE IN OR WAD
So that means last year we suffered,got tortured,treated like dogs for nothing?!
And most importantly,GOT RASHES For nothing??
It's not ltc at all then
NOT FAIR
ARGH PUTTING THAT ASIDE...

Last day,which is today
Quite the same as the 2nd day
We had to change to full u,change back to pe attire and change back to full u again and repeat
So fun siah =.=
ARGH dun want to talk about this le...
Only get me more heated up
Anyway! Its finally over
Let me just put this issue at the back...
And not be bothered by it

I WANNA WATCH THE MOVIE L CHANGED THE WORLD!!!!
XP!!!!!!!!!!

3:06 AM;

Thursday, March 6, 2008

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Drill is killing moi!
So tiring =.=
My grades...degraded to so many Bs
And only 2-3 As?
Darn it!I want my at least 6 As back!!!!
MY ONLY HAPPINESS TO PROVE MY WORTH HAS FALLEN
Gosh I sounded so drama -.-
TT_TT

I caused one person to be late for AAC training today?
Indirectly without me knowing
'cos of my boots...
GOMENASAI!
I didn't mean it...
I'll pay back the favor.. Really,seriously,honestly

Anii!! You are way smarter than me ok?!
So stop saying the other way round

3:57 AM;

Monday, March 3, 2008

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BUAHAHAHA. this is a very nice, shan liang person here
helping feilicia to change her blog's link.
not spamming kay,i am nice.
and i miss blogger. oh man, its like so long since i last post already and i miss this box thing where i can write posts
awww man.
anyway, happy evening/morning/night,

going off. (this is NOT spamming)
the very nice person, xinping(:

1:52 AM;

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I PASSED MY A MATHS TEST!!!
OMG IT'S A MIRACLE!!!

T_T but man...
I got bullied by the class
They ganged up to bulyy me
SO mean of them!!!
I shall get my revenge!!!!
Why only bully me
Stupid Daniel for messing my hair
Stupid Yuen Kai for flicking and hitting my head
Stupid Yi Ren for hitting my head and abducting my hairbands
Stupid Louisse for abducting my clips and hitting my head
I don't want to grow shorter!!! NOOOOO

Veron,let's gang up and bully them tmrw

1:30 AM;

Saturday, March 1, 2008

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"You had on the same smile
Even though the years have piled upon us
Impatient, we ignore the scenery passing by

Throw away your useless pride
Show kindness to the world

I gotta say
Even if we put on a courageous facade
We cannot live alone
The promise you made that day
Remains deep within my heart even now

Partings and meetings
Finding light walking down new roads
Since the day we were born
This repetition has linked us together

When did you and I
Acquire such differing futures?

I gotta say
Even if we're far apart and never meet again
There is a strong bond between us
"Let my dreams come true"
I pray from the bottom of my heart
We're friends forever
Let's pledge to meet again
Swear on it
We're going to walk forward
Toward an unseen destination
Even if we're lost
We'll continue
No matter what

Amid the changing seasons
And the flow of time
Familiar melodies
Even when we grow old
They won't fade away
Our precious memories

I gotta say
Even if we put on a courageous facade
We cannot live alone
The promise you made that day
Remains deep within my heart

As life goes on...
Because we mustn't forget Yeah
Don't let it go...

This wide world or the people you hold dear"

I find this lyric quite meaningful...
Another random post XD

5:35 PM;

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Man...
I wanna change to a MORE SUITABLE blogskin but I dunno how...
=.= urgh...HELP

WARNING: pls pls DUN LEAK MY BLOG ADDRESS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION
Firstly,I want to make this blog a personal one
I will tell you if I want to
But! If you happened to find it...
No choice...But KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF
And DO NOT DISPLAY IT UNDER YOUR BLOGS' LINK
THX

Today I took plenty of pictures!
B'cos of the whole day museum trip!
The royal palace is so darn cooL!
And pretty!An eye opener
Man...If only moi could upload them here...
Sigh T_T

Anyway...
The part concerning my feelings
Are still left unsettled
My grades are already dropping
I dun want it to drop even more due to my feelings
But...It's already affecting
So what if I accept my feelings?
Will it affect me even more?
Or is it for the better?
I'm living in denial -.-
That's why I dunno what to do
What should I do?
But since you decided already
So let it be
I'm not gonna say anything
Just let me go through this naturally
By getting over you slowly
And buck up in my studies!!!!
KUSO!!! MY GRADES!!!
Domo

4:44 AM;